It's Not You, It's Him

Updated: Aug 21, 2019

4 reasons why he's not acting right

Is there something wrong with me? What am I doing wrong? Am I not good enough?  These are all the questions we ask ourselves when going through a breakup.  But I am here to tell you it’s not you, it’s him. 

As sensitive creatures we are quick to blame ourselves when having issues with our significant other.  When he is out late and doesn’t come home, we stop and think what did I do to make him not want to be with me.  When they cheat on us, we start to question what’s wrong with me, am I not pretty? All of these doubts and insecurities begin to consume our mind and take over.  Then we begin to sit there picking at ourselves making us become depressed, worthless and unworthy.  Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we like to sit in despair and shut everyone out?  Is it that we are in denial about the conflicts between us and our mate, or are we just ashamed to admit that our relationship is not perfect.  You’re not alone! Thousands of women go through this every day.  We need to learn how to step back and analyze our relationship.  Stop thinking about what you are doing wrong and what you could’ve done to change the outcome and start thinking about the things he did or did not do that led you guys here and why he is continuing to hurt you. 


There can be multiple reasons why he is not treating you right.  He could be dealing with hurt and pain that doesn’t involve you.  Whether he is struggling financially, having family issues or having trouble at work, all of these situations can affect a man negatively causing him to lash out on you. Unfortunately, when we go through things we tend to shut others out and hurt the people closest to us.  Even though this is a common excuse, that doesn’t make it right. He has to learn to deal with the difficulties he is facing and not take them out on you.  You cannot teach him this.  You can tell him until you’re blue in the face, but until he is happy with himself. He can’t be happy with you. 

Afraid to Commit 

Another reason is that he is not ready to commit.  If you confront your mate about a situation that is bothering you and he either (A) remains quiet (B) is nonchalant or (C) walks away, then he is just not that into you.  Any man that loves you and plans to spend the rest of their life with you is going to care about your feelings and respect you enough to listen and focus on the problems to try to fix them.  Think about it, when you care about someone, you care about how they view you and their feelings toward you.  If you hurt them you would want to know how and what you can do to fix it.  You wouldn’t just walk away from them and not come home or call to talk to them for days.  If you are a priority in his life, then he will make it a priority to rectify the situation.  

How He Was Raised 

In addition, when determining why your mate acts the way he does, you must also analyze his upbringing.  Pay close attention how your man treats other females that are close to him.  I always tell my girlfriends, to look at the way he treats his mother, sister, or close female friends.  If he treats them like queens or showers them with love and gifts, then that’s how he will treat a girl he is seriously committed to, but if he is disrespectful to his mother and is constantly degrading his sister and other female friends why would you be any different. The biggest mistake all females make is thinking they can change him.  Let me tell you, that is not as easy as you may think.  It’s hard to change someone that was brought up this way.  For many years he was never taught differently or the right way to treat a woman, so why would you think he can change overnight. Always remember, you can’t change someone that doesn’t want to be changed.

Self Respect 

Finally, a man will treat you the way you treat yourself.  Meaning he will only do what you ALLOW him to do.  If you don’t respect yourself enough to demand more from a man and to be treated right, then he’s not going to respect you enough to treat you like the queen you are.  You are not someone’s doormat, so don’t allow him to just walk all over you.  Don’t be afraid to put your foot down and set boundaries for the things you will and will not accept. A man that truly loves you and looks at you as a potential wife will respect those boundaries.  A man that looks at you like you’re crazy and runs from the situation, was never in it for the long haul.   If your man is constantly messing up and treating you wrong, and you’re quick to take him back time and time again, then he’s never going to change.  Why does he have to? He has no consequences to his actions.  When a man is afraid of losing you, then he is going to do everything in his power to keep you.  If you are the only one constantly fighting for your man to do better, then it may be time to throw in the towel.  Again, he has to want to change, he has to want to do better, he has to want to treat you better and if he is not ready for change in the relationship you can’t force him.  The best, but hardest thing to do would be to walk away.  You can’t see mister right if you’re blinded by mister wrong. 

I know leaving is easier said than done. A lot of you may feel like once I leave then what.  Will I be happy? How do I pick up the pieces? How do I move on? Trust me I know I’ve been there.  I used to ask myself these questions every day.  Now, as I wake up in the morning to the sun shining on my face, I get out of bed and walk over to the mirror and recite positive and motivational quotes to myself.  “You are beautiful; you are strong; you deserve to be happy; you are loved” I repeat to myself over and over.  I felt less of myself after a mental and physical abusive relationship with my boyfriend of 3 years, so doing this constantly every day helped me rebuild my self-esteem and change my attitude for the better.  I started to feel good about life and began believing that I deserved to be happy.  Telling myself “I deserve better” gave me a sense of entitlement and now I demand respect everywhere I go.  Even as time has gone by and I have moved on to a better relationship, I still practice this every morning.  I’ve even had my 3 year old daughter join me.  As she twirls around the room with a huge smile of joy on her face she loves to say “I’m boo-tiful Mommy”.  Many years ago when I looked in the mirror I would see a hurt, damaged and lost little girl, but now I see a beautiful, uplifted, strong woman that can conquer anything. And so can you.  You just have to believe in yourself.  So remember whether he is dealing with life issues, has faulty upbringing or is not ready to commit, don’t ever settle for less.  Demand the respect that you are entitled to and get it.   If you know and believe your worth more, then he will too, and then there is nothing that will stop you from being treated like the “Queen” you are.

#Livingwithlc #Itsnotyouitshim #4reasonshesnotactingright #realtionshipadvice #relationshipcoach #troublerelationship

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Hey Y'all!!

 My name is Lauren and I am motivated to inspire others to endeavor in new things.  While Living with me (LC), you will receive beauty tips and tricks, deals to help you save, mommy tips, relationship advice and I will also share my journey to happiness.   So make sure you subscribe to stay up to date on all the latest and I hope you enjoy my blog.  

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